WHAT IS AN INTERCHURCH FAMILY?

    Put simply, interchurch families are husbands and wives who come from, and want to retain their membership of, two different church traditions (often Roman Catholic and another Christian denomination). So far as they are able, they are also committed to living, worshipping and participating in their spouse’s church. And, if they are parents, they take joint responsibility for the religious and spiritual upbringing of their children, teaching them to appreciate both their Christian traditions. 


    There is, however, no blueprint for an interchurch family. Each one is unique, and the family makes its own conscientious decision about how it will live out its two-church character, sharing in the richness of the traditions of both communities.



    Mixed marriages and interchurch families

    

    There are of course many other “mixed marriages” where the partners would not see themselves as being “interchurch”. Perhaps one (or both) of the partners doesn’t go to church very often - or at all. Or maybe the couple practise their Christian faith entirely separately in their own church communities. Some such families may have been discouraged from becoming more fully interchurch – or even from practising altogether – by the difficulties they have encountered from relatives, congregations or ministers who have little ecumenical understanding or commitment. Where this is the case and the couple feel that they would like to become more fully and intentionally involved in each other’s churches there are associations of interchurch families around the world whose aim is to encourage them that this is possible and can be deeply enriching.


    The marriage covenant between two baptised Christians


    When two Christians from different backgrounds come together in marriage, they already have a common heritage as children of the one Father, disciples of the one Lord Jesus Christ, and recipients of the gift of the Holy Spirit. They also share the sacrament of baptism that is mutually recognised by most churches (with some exceptions). In marriage they bind themselves in a life-long covenant to love and serve one another in what becomes their shared journey together to the kingdom of heaven. 


    What is distinctive in an interchurch marriage is that the Christian identity of each partner has been formed in a different denomination with its own particular traditions of spirituality, worship, teaching and authority. These churches are not currently in full communion with one another, and some do not even recognise others as being, in the full sense, church. 

    New Paragraph

    Despite the division of their churches, the married partners are called to treat each other as equal persons with equal rights and a shared responsibility for their family life. As they grow together, they will forge their own particular family traditions based on the customs of the families in which they were brought up, but now fused into a new pattern.


    This bringing together of family traditions will inevitably include spiritual traditions from the churches of their upbringing – although some practices may be deliberately omitted because they are seen as unacceptable to one (or both) of the partners. In this spiritual mutuality a new interchurch family grows and is enriched and renewed.


    The ‘church-belonging’ of an interchurch family

    Like all Christian families, interchurch families represent the Body of Christ in their homes, and can, therefore, be described as a “domestic church”. However, although they form one church at home, the partners remain faithful members of two divided churches. As marriage partners they want to share all that is of value in each other’s lives and, as Christian marriage partners, this includes the riches of their respective ecclesial communions. Sadly, the sharing of formal or “canonical” church membership it is not permitted in many churches (although there are some exceptions). 


    Where possible, interchurch partners join in the life and worship of their partner’s church as well as their own. In doing so, most come to appreciate the distinctive witness of their partner’s church community and begin to feel welcome and at home in it. They often find themselves accepted as part of the fellowship of that worshipping community, as well as remaining a full member of their own church. Indeed, in many cases partners undertake particular roles or responsibilities in the life of each other’s church (e.g. leading youth work, singing or playing music, reading lessons, joining the welcome team).  



    We need to listen to interchurch young people who have said: ‘It is not we who are confused in refusing to choose one church or the other. It is you of former generations who have been confused in accepting and perpetuating the divisions of the churches. Christ willed only one church.’


    Authority and conscience in interchurch families

    

    Interchurch families are by definition bridge-builders, concerned not to cause scandal (in the sense of turning others from the way of faith) but to work in harmony with all where they worship, in response to Christ’s prayer that “they all may be one”. They often find themselves, therefore, in the tension between the ‘already’ of the unity of their domestic church and the ‘not yet’ of the continuing separation of the two church communities to which they belong. This can give rise to a clash between what they want and judge to be right for their family life and its unity, and the (often conflicting) attitudes and rules of their two ecclesial communions. There can be a tension, for example, between their authority and responsibility for the Christian education of their children, and the authority and leadership of their two churches for the teaching and governance of their respective communities.


    It is not always easy in these circumstances for interchurch families to distinguish between what they want, or would find easier for themselves, and what God is calling them to do through an informed conscience. This is especially true as many of the rules and attitudes of our institutional churches were formed before the ecumenical movement acquired momentum and therefore fail to take it fully into account. With this in mind, interchurch families find the principle that “to go beyond the rules is not always to go against them” is a useful aid in discerning and informing their consciences.  


    Interchurch families often describe this experience of participating in the life of two ecclesial communions as ‘double belonging’ – or similar expressions in other countries such as, in Poland, ‘double solidarity’. No matter how deeply these descriptions may be felt they cannot be understood as a formal category of dual membership but rather as an expression of a lived reality of experience.



    The ‘church-belonging’ of interchurch family children

    

    Parents are the first teachers of their children and are responsible for their Christian upbringing and education. In discharging this responsibility both parents will naturally want to share with their children the treasures of the churches of which they are members. 


    Inevitably, the experience of ‘double belonging’ felt by the partners in an interchurch marriage is substantially different from that felt by their children. Generally, the parents in an interchurch family have had to make a conscious choice to experience the life and worship of their partner’s church but, at the same time, they continue to feel themselves rooted in one tradition. Their children, however, will normally have been brought up to feel at home in the traditions of both their parents. This may be the case when parents bring a child up in one church rather than the other, but it is even more likely if they have been brought up in both communities.  


    Of course, like their parents, these children are unable to become formal members of both ecclesial communities. This makes it the more difficult for them to decide to be confirmed or to make a personal profession of faith in one church rather than the other. Such a choice can feel like cutting themselves off from one of their parents and from one of the church communities in which they feel they have their roots and to which they belong. It may also seem to them like going against the Holy Spirit who is the creator of unity and not of discord.  



    Share by: